Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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