i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
