Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
