so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
