you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
