"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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