The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We just shotgunned beers for America
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
