Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
