Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
