I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
