Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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