Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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