i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
