Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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