I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
