at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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