Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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