The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
