The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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