dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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