Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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