just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
