we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Is this like a preordered booty call?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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