But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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