You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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