nut hugger
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
