I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize