i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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