I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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