she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
