We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
