sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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