so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
