One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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