that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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