I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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