While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
