how can u be prego again
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
