We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
