Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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