then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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