So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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