I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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