If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm like, not good at living.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
