Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Also, beer. Big fan.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
