I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
