So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
