it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
