I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
