I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
