After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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