evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Do vagina's smell?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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