Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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