I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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