I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize