STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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