all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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