i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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