Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
