You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
