I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
