You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
