You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
