I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Welp...herpes.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
