New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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