does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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