He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
