so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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