I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize