So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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