why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
