I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
