Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
