he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
third nipple confirmed
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
