please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
