I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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