woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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