I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
