did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
please come you make the beer taste better
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
