the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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