im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
BRING THE BAGELS
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
