First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
