wrigley field is MILF paradise
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He better not be in your backpack
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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