Please, let me fuck your mom
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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