I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
