I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize