I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
