I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
