U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
