Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
