I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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