did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize