I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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