The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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