i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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