sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
