Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
