Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I cut my penus on the lid.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
