I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
