i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
