I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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