She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
